Life, Law, and a Library

What I learned from Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting— The perfect mother (and father) doesn’t exist! So ease the insanely high expectations of parenting you put on yourself, and to let that mom (and dad) guilt go!

I don’t know about you, but I often wonder if I am “getting it right” when it comes to parenting. I constantly worry about if they are getting enough vitamins, growing right, are as knowledgable as their peers, if I am spending enough time with them, whether I am “praising them too much” (gonna be honest I still don’t get that one), and whether they are getting too much screen time– the list continues, but I am sure you have a few of your own.

I read this book because my therapist thought it would be a good perspective for me to read. I was having a hard time having “me” time and I tend to overanalyze everything when it comes to my kids. A few chapters in, I realized this may have been one of the best suggestions she has ever given me.

While there are things I disagree about when it comes to the postpartum life (like there is an expectation you are back to your pre-baby body within three months), there are somethings that really hit home for me and when I stepped back I realized– I am doing a pretty damn good job. That I should NOT feel bad for wanting to go back to work, that my child playing independently while I have some time to myself is okay (even great), and that letting my kids be kids (as opposed to being the smartest kid in the class) will serve them well in the future.

What I really loved about the book (and the audio version) is the blunt way Druckerman discusses her opinion on both the French and American perspectives of parenting and how she stays true to not agreeing with everything on either side of the pond. I also LOVED the Bébé Day by Day: 100 Keys to French Parenting that is included in the back of the book (especially because it is sorted by age/stage of baby). I have bulleted some of my favorite lessons from the book below!

• The Perfect Mother Doesn’t Exist (an entire chapter on this one– because we all need to hear this more). Seriously, if you only read 2 sections of this book, read this chapter and the 100 Keys to French Parenting. In this chapter she writes about how some girlfriends have to remind themselves “the perfect mother doesn’t exist” to reassure themselves.
• Every child is different but so is every parent. We often read parenting books and think “well– they are the professional so I have to do this or I am screwing my kid up” (or maybe that is just me). Druckerman makes it clear that what works for some may not work for others. She says, “I think there is some wisdom in all 100 keys… some might appeal to you. Others won’t. They are not all right for everyone. The French are very clear that every child is different and that you should break the rules sometimes.”

I identified and appreciated so many of the 100 Keys to French Parenting, but I narrowed it down to my top 10:

• Sleeping well is better for the baby. While sleeping with a baby (especially a new baby) seems laughable– it is possible. My husband and I learned quickly that BOTH of us getting no sleep would never work and that I needed to sleep just as much (if not more) than he did. So we took turns sleeping through the night. Total gamer changer.
• Don’t expect any of this to work immediately. (side note– if you have figured out a way to make this happen, HIT A GIRL UP!)
• Sooner isn’t better- don’t rush the developmental stages, give kids experiences over flashcards (I had to read this one twice and probably will need to read it again when my oldest starts kindergarten in August).
• Cope calmly with tantrums
• Guilt is a trap! (another one I will read multiple times)
• Be clear eyed about how hard kids are on a relationship– discuss problems and disagreements on parenting and make time to reignite intimacy
• Say no with conviction (master the “mom stare”), but say yes as often as you can. — This is actually 3 grouped into one but the way I was able to narrow to 10.
• Explain the reason behind the rule– this shows you respect their autonomy and intelligence.
• Give kids time to comply
• Sometimes there is nothing you can do (and that’s okay!)

The book also includes several recipes which I thought was awesome considering the big focus the French have on food– including having 4-course meals at daycare (what?)!

No time to read? I read and listened to this book and enjoyed both. I definitely recommend this book to all parents from expecting moms to elementary aged children. In fact, if you read this while pregnant, read it again when your baby is turning two or three! There are great things we all could use a reminder on.

And remember– loving our kiddos is our number one job… BUT you can go to work, have girl’s nights out, vacation without your kids, and STILL be an amazing parent. Make time for you, you deserve it and you will be a better mama for it!